


Oraka's Revenge

by ApocalypseThen



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Bartender - Freeform, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 16:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20450435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApocalypseThen/pseuds/ApocalypseThen
Summary: A Tale Of The Shepard, as recounted by your friendly neighbourhood bar steward.





	Oraka's Revenge

"Oraka's Revenge, eh? Haven't served up one of those in a while. Settle down then, I'll need a minute here to get the ingredients together. Lemme see... a splish of this... a dash of that... oh hey, haven't seen that bottle since last-Shepmas-but-one, didn't know we still had any... um-hum. So... why don't I tell you the story while you wait? You heard of General Oraka? No? Well, you're in for a treat, it's a real good tale of The Shepard. Nothing you'll find in the Chapter and Verse, mind, this is a story that's been handed down from bartender to bartender through our mystic ways, so, you know, it might actually be true.

"See, The Shepard was a human, that's almost as good as a fact, but General Oraka was one of your kind. Time was, your two species didn't get along, did you know that? I'm not saying The Shepard gave a damn about all that, but Oraka did. They both --- the species, I mean --- had a thing for our blue friends; which reminds me, Jess dear? Oraka's revenge. Could you see to these two? Lucky for you she's on shift. Most bartenders'll skip the whole 'pressed between the thighs of a matron' and just do the limefruit by hand, but this is a classy joint, you know? Thank you, darling, my that was fast, if I'd known you were all pent up I'd'a had you doing fruit all week.

"Where was I? So they both --- The Shepard and Oraka too, you understand --- were involved with a very fine asari lady who went by the title of Consort. Now I say 'involved' but what you've got to remember is that these were primitive times. Way back then they still had this idea called 'monogamy', I don't know if you'd a heard of it, stuff and nonsense if you ask me, but the upshot is, back then you sorta had to contract exclusively with a partner for sex. I know, right? Recipe for disaster.

"The Consort was like, a saftey-valve, she would sell it off to anyone with the credits. Trouble with that kind of thing, of course, is you get a lot of folk mixing up their feelings and their pocket-books. General Oraka was spending every spare credit he had buying time with the Consort. And one day The Shepard walks in.

"Now, I know, they say a lot of things about the Shepard, 'bout how tall and handsome and what-not they were, but it wasn't any of that. It was just that they had this aura. You couldn't help yourself. And the Consort, well, she was rich and tired of all the emotional vampires like Oraka hanging off her every word. So she decided, there and then --- did I forget to say? The Shepard walks in, right when Oraka's with the Consort. Now I don't know why The Shepard chose that exact moment to bust in, that part is lost to the mysteries of time, but we do know that They were in an awful state, all riled up and angry and, well, Oraka was just in the way. Words were exchanged, guns were drawn, well, The Shepard was carrying and Oraka wasn't, so 'gun' was drawn, it must'a been a fairly humiliating moment for the general.

"Oraka's got reassurances that he can come back another day, but of course, you know what happens, right? Of course, you guessed it, the Consort shuts up shop. He's there banging on the door, peering through the windows... you get the picture. Pretty frustrated, all told. That's when he decides, he's going to nail The Shepard to the wall. Really do a number on Them for taking the Consort away.

"It takes him a good long time. Well, he's saving a lot of money now that he's not seeing the Consort any more, so he has the resources to bring to bear, not to mention his old military contacts. But he's a wily old son-of-a-bitch, if you'll pardon the vulgarity, and he knows a frontal assault on The Shepard is out of the question. He works it over in his head, he figures and figures, and he realises that he's going to have to go big or go home. He's going to smash a skycar through The Shepard's apartment window. No, he's going to blow the foundations and bring down the entire building. Wait, that might not work, he's going to get his hands on a quantum black hole and breach the containment field, take the whole neighborhood out. You can't get too careful with The Shepard, he reasons.

"Damn fool winds up getting arrested for trafficking in proscribed goods. Turns out the powers that be keep a close eye on weapons of mass destruction. He goes away for a long time. Here you go, then. What do you think? Hmm? You're right. I'll have to get that written on the menu. Oraka's Revenge: a long tall draught of piss. Nope, that's how it ends, alright. Might be a moral in there somewhere, I couldn't tell you. I like to think The Shepard and the Consort went off to live happily ever after, but hey, there's some things even a bartender can't know. Now, you don't have to finish it, to be truthful, it's a lot more fun to make one than it is to drink one. Here, let me do you a Conrad's Hero, now there's a story you've just _got_ to hear..."


End file.
